One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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