i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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