i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
