Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
