Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
