ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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