how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
