i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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