i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
