He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
