I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
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Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
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I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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