hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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