I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
