You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
