Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
