I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
