Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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