Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
