I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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