I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
