You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
