whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
