My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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