I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
