if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
