If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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