Can i not drive my cunt home
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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