Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
