i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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