Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
