How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
