I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
