In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize