haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
