The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
