Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
