dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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