she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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