He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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