imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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