Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
