I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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