I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
