if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
