so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize