So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
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I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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