can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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