We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
