it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
