and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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