It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We just shotgunned beers for America
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
