So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
