i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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