Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
