this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
