There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
