When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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