getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize