Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i need some magic done to my vagina
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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