I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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