i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
