Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
