I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
