I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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