Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
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The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
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Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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