I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize