when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
