Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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